wedding dilemmas
How to avoid family dramas on
your wedding day.
Every family has their issues, but wedding
are meant to be a time of joy and celebration, not for the airing of
grievances. So, if you find yourself with a guest list
full of relatives that can’t stand each other, here are eight
tips for avoiding family dramas – and fights – on your big day.
Remain united
When handling ‘tricky’ family matters, it’s
important you and your partner work together as a team. Just because the
troublesome uncles that fell out 20 years ago are from his side of the family,
doesn’t mean you should wash your hands of any potential friction.
Communication is vital and all decisions as
to who will and who won’t be invited need to be unanimous, especially if the
friction stems from a guest’s dislike of you or your spouse-to-be. You are
inviting trouble if you and your partner have different attitudes on
such important matters, so talk it out beforehand.
Talk to them
Though most of us would rather avoid having
to discuss difficult relationships with the problem guest,
clear communication between them and you is important. Explain that
you’re concerned about how they may feel having to spend the entire reception
in a venue with the person they have issues with – and try to find a
solution. Make sure all parties know that you are willing to discuss the
situation and give them the opportunity to state their case.
This is especially important when
it comes to separated or divorced couples, especially when new partners
are involved, some relatives may wish to be seated away from their
former spouse or partner. They may even wish to decline your invitation so as
to avoid being in the same room as their former mate or they may
wish for their new partner to be invited.
It’s your call
This is your wedding day and it’s up to you
and your partner to make the decisions, even if they might seem difficult. If
you need to have a hard talk with someone whether it’s about not talking to someone, or
being on their best behaviour – have faith that as adults you can resolve
the situation in a mature manner.
Be flexible
As it’s your wedding, you can do things the
way you like. There’s nothing to say that you have to stick to traditions. If
you don’t want the names of your parents on the invitation, this is totally
your call. You shouldn’t put your partner and yourself through awkward or
uncomfortable situations for the sake of tradition.
Be practical
Something as simple as choosing smart table
layouts can avoid a great deal of discomfort on the big day. Get to
know the layout of your wedding venue and seat your guests accordingly.
Putting angry relatives on the same table or adjacent tables might be asking
for trouble! This goes the same for separated parents – you don’t want
them thrusting divorce papers in each other’s faces in between wedding
speeches. it’s just not fun.
Don’t ignore it
If you think a potential conflict will go
away if you ignore it, think again. Sweeping potential issues under the rug can
be fraught with danger. Be open and honest about the issues and try
and tackle them well before the wedding day. If an irate parent lets off
steam well before the wedding, they may be less inclined to do so on the day.
Bite your tongue?
When the conflict is between you and a guest
– one that you definitely want there – your wedding is definitely not the
best time to air grievances. Refer to the proverb ‘a gentle answer turns
away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.’ You might believe you’re
right in discussing a difficult situation. You may know you’re right. But
remember that your goal is a happy and care-free wedding. If it means biting
your tongue, do so. A win for you and your partner is a stress-free event
when it comes to unhappy family members.
Do I need to invite them in the first place?
If you have considered the above points
and the thought of having a certain person at your wedding is still so
unpleasant and stressful, then you may want to consider not inviting them at
all. Remember, it is your wedding and you want a pleasant occasion celebrating
the love between you and your partner. Even if the person (or people) in
question are immediate family, there is nothing to say that you HAVE to invite
them. But please, think very carefully about your decision and the implications
that not inviting them may have on your family before you pull the trigger!
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